There is no worse blind...

... than the one who doesn't want to see...

It's done

Well, that's that. Now I have to try my best and learn from this experience before the next one.

It hurts like hell,  but then again, I've been feeling this pain for months now. We were together only in name,because, although we do love each other, she doesn't trust me, or talk with me...

Love isn't enough. They should fix all those stray fairy tales before people keep getting hurt.

Still, like the adage says,

"If you love it let it go.
If it's yours it'll come back.
If it doesn't then it never was."

I hope she'll at least say hi and not ignore me if we run into each other at college or something...

Discomfort

I want to tall you. Ask you how you've been, how you're feeling. But i don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. So i guess i'll have to stay away...

Guess you forgot to call...

Good night, love...

My loneliness...

I just spoke with you. And after all the walking i did, i'm gonna take a shower while you take your bath. I miss you terribly... my father said that i should look into the prices of the cabins and places around here so i could come with you. And i thought of all the things we could do, the places we could see...

I feel alone without you. But like you said, the awkwardness that pervades us now makes me feel alone when i'm with you sometimes as well.

So many questions you don't know the answer to... it's scary, you know? To be in such an uncertain relationship, where you don't even know if you want to talk to me or not... but i have hope, and faith, that you do, even if you don't know it.

I fought you once for us... now i have to fight myself.

I love you. Hope you enjoy that bath, and remember the way my hands feel on your skin when i wash you on those rare occasions we get to bathe together. Would you like to feel that now?

If you do, then it's gonna be all right.

Hey...

I'm on vacation, so i'm supposed to be happy, right? But my baby isn't here, so i miss her terribly.

This place would be awesome if she were here. The way the moon glimmers on the ocean waters in the horizon... I wish she was with me to see it...

Back to work...

Well, now I have to manage work again. I think I can deal with it. Then we have my love, whom I think will be wonderful. The car I'll try to manage tomorrow. Things are better with dad already after yesterday's mechanics session.

My only concern is my baby. I hope she gets better...

Onyxia Wipe Animation: Because it never gets old

Onyxia Wipe Animation: Because it never gets old: "

Not Safe For Work, and all that good stuff. But you already know that.

Onyxia Wipe Animation: Because it never gets old originally appeared on WoW.com on Sat, 15 Aug 2009 12:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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"

What I Want...

I want you to give of yourself to make me happy, the way I do.

I want to see your feelings, bare and raw.

I want to know how you feel, and what you feel, about everything.

I want to be together with you, not as a separate person, but as a couple, together in everything.

I want you to give me a daughter, with your eyes and hair.

A Perfect Day

I wake up to the soft music of my cellphone's alarm. I reach my arm from around my love to the phone to turn it off before she wakes. It's 4:30 am. Time for me to wake up.

I get up before she does, so I get first dibs at the shower. But I decide to surprise her this time. I go to the kitchen, and start working on breakfast. Eggs with bacon and toast. I add the bacon to the eggs crumbled, just as she likes it.

Once done, I go back upstairs and gently lift her from the bed. She snuggles up to me even while asleep, and it is my gentle yet insistent kissing of her lips which wakes her up. By this time I'm already lowering her into the warm water I had prepared in the tub, so she has a moment of panic as she feels herself sinking.

Yet as she realizes what's going on, she soothingly allows the water to caress her body. I pick up the sponge and soap, and start to slowly bathe her. She relaxes and allows me to do as I wish, gently scrubbing away the sweat from last night.

In our post-passion exhaustion, we fell asleep as we lay besides each other. And I fix that now, bathing her with all the gentleness I would a newborn. This brings my mind into other avenues, and a smile splits my face.

By this time she's awake, smiling as well. She enjoys my attentions, and with a gentle pull brings me inside the tub with her. She stands up, and does the same for me, washing my body with the same tenderness and care.

We both rinse each other, and go to the room to pick clothes and dress. It's a long day for us, a Wednesday, which means both class and work. But we've done it before. What was once such agony is much more bearable now that we have our own place. Even though it's more, and harder work, the fact that at the end of the day we will be together again lifts my spirits and makes me soar over any problems the day might bring me.

We dress, get our things, and go to college. As always, the happiness and love we feel for each other makes everything ok. I drive, with her snuggled against my arm, catching a fewmore minutes of sleep while we get there. I'm still amazed at how much the woman sleeps. But I can't really complain. She sleeps with me, and she's so beautiful when she does...

We arrive at college, taking our classes. We stick together, help each other, and focus. It's our last trimester, giving us both the final classes as well as the excitement of knowing we're almost done. But we reign in our dreams, and give it our all. After all, we've waited two years for it. What's another 2 months?

We get out of class and she drives us out to lunch. Ever since she started working she insists on paying for everytime we eat out, as if paying back for all the times I paid while she didn't have a job. I admire her determination, the way she holds on to herself and hates freeloading.

We eat at a fancy place, where she does her usual mix of cheesy macarroni with apple sauce and other weird stuff. It's always amused me how much she loves that, like a little kid. I look at her and can't help but love her. I take just some bread and wait for the main course.

My ribs arrive, and she takes her bacon cheeseburger. We eat in earnest, sharing strategies about games, ideas for our projects, and commentary about our jobs. It's the one time we don't spend together, and our anecdotes about things that happen are usually humorous, so again she smiles, lighting my world.

She drops me off at work, and leaves. Work is entertaining, but dull. Without her presence, all colors seem to go down a few shades in intensity, and the world just seems bleaker, colder. Her text messages spread during the day are like sharp ink blots, brightening my life for abit before the weight of banality pushes in again.

And she picks me up, and we go home, where I cook dinner, and we eat it, snuggled in the couch while we watch anime. Or play games. Then it's bed time, where our bodies entwine and our souls whisper to each other of ourwish to have a baby, and the promise for our future.

Exhausted, I wander into sleep, our whisperings of love still in my ears as my consciousness fades.

She said she would call....

But she didn't... again.....

Fire and Ice, by Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in Fire,
Some say in Ice.
From what I've tasted of Desire,
I hold with those who favor Fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of Hate
To say that for destruction Ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

class...

my Visual Semiotics class... ~yawn~

Hello Again!

Hey guys. I'm posting here because my baby mentioned that i haven't posted lately. First, that means she's been checking up on me, which is sweet. Secong, it states that she cares about me writing, which is doubly sweet.

I explained to her that the reason for my blog use these past times was because I "spoke" to it when i couldn't speak with her; be it because she was inaccessible or otherwise unavailable. Now that the relationship is in such a good state, i don't need it anymore, because i am at much more liberty to speak to her.

Baby, I love you.

I wish...

... that I could sleep and never wake until she was ready, to come to me herself and wake me. As I am, I am a burden, in the way...

~sigh~

Well, work was ok... saw her at lunch. I bought a Wii game for us to play together, but I messed up, and bought a shooter. She doesn't like shooters...

I felt that she trusted me more then. She didn't hide her computer like she usually does. Though she ignored me by it, seeming to prefer it to me... oh well, baby steps...

After that, back to work. I arranged to work thursday, which is usually my day off, so I could be all friday with her, but I'm afraid she's gonna cancel on me. Dunno why... just a premonition, I guess.

Then I went home to sleep. She ignored my messages, and other chances at contact, and I know she was awake. Am I starting to suffocate her again? I better keep some distance, just in case...

Now I'm in the car, waiting for her to go to college. ~sigh~ I miss her...

Lots of stuff!

Well. This week's been a doozy. I'm sorry I haven't posted, but it's just been so good I haven't had the time!

Monday was fantastic. We decided we needed some "us" time after all that happened, and so we stayed in the house. Made love, wonderful passion. She showed everything she had bottled up, obvious in it's intensity.

Then we watched the last X-Japan concert. She's a huge fan, and I think she might just make me one too. The songs are very good! What I saw, anyways. I was real sleepy and kept dozing in and out. Being close to her is so comfortable, and I hasd missed it so much...

Then we tussled in bed again, and we took a shower. We washed each other with all the tenderness we felt. Then she dressed up for a job interview, and I dropped her off at a friend's house, since it was a bunch of them going to the airport to look for a job.

I went to my job, where I spent an ok day. At lunch I saw her for a few minutes, and then back to work.

On tuesday we went to class, happy and together. I helped her with a videogame project she's doing for her videogame design class, then we left for our doctor, since we're both feeling not very good.

Doc gave us pills, and set us on our way. Having a medical excuse, I skipped work, and stayed with her. We went to Wal-Mart to leave the prescriptions, and went to Borders to read some while they were ready.

At all times we were happy and together, all wonderful smiles and hugs and closeness, an intimacy that no one could break. I told her that this time, since she's the one who's not sure if she's ready, she's the one who will ask me to be hers, and that she will get me flowers, too! She laughed, but I dunno if she'll do it.

We got the medicines, and went to her house. I suggested to both her and her mother an idea i'd had, to make a little excursion to the Mayaguez Zoo, with their family. They both seemed to like it, and her mother began to look up information on it.

After that we played a few classic games that I bought in the Wii. Because of the medicines, she fell asleep in the couch behind me. After a while, her mother started to make fun of her, and when she started snoring, we woke her up. I went home, and we both slept until the next day.

Today wednesday, we went to college, but we fell asleep in the car, and woke up one hour late. We didn't want to go in, so we went back to her house, and slept and cuddled until I had to go to work, where I am now.

It's all been great, but I'm still a bit scared. I've messed up once so far, when I bit her too hard in class. She did seem upset then, though it passed. Now I'm juggling things to be able to go with her and her friends to the beach, if she goes, on friday.

But she doesn't want me to go with her to Waiters, a pub near here, tonight, because a friend of hers who dislikes me is going, and she doesn't want any trouble. I don't understand why he dislikes me, he's never met me, and why is he more important to her than I am...

I think things will be all right...

I think things will get better now... we talked, we're going at it again. Sort of depends on her, we'll see how she behaves tomorrow....

Now I'm nervous...

~exhales~

Today was uneventful until the end. Work was meh, the book that she lent me is awesome, and at the end I was reassured beyong my wildest dreams. Tonight, I sleep blissfully...

Good night!

~cries~

This is what happens when she ignores my concerns. I look for an outlet, which is usually finding more about my concerns. I get nosy, and start looking for things...

If only she wouldn't ignore me, and trust me...