Sunday, October 14, 2007


This year I have lost 5 people, all dear to me, two of them fundamental to my soul. And in all, like always, I feel like I never really appreciated them until they were gone.

I first lost a great man, Guillermo Colon, my then-girlfriend's grandfather. A very wise man, full of experiences to relate regarding everything from construction to war experiences and many other things in between. He was like a living book, full of adventures and a life that was full of love and energy. He left behind a loving wife and a great daughter, the mother of my other.

I lost my grandmother, Blanca Viera. A wonderful woman, who taught me many things and who served as the focal point of my family on my mother's side. I miss her terribly, and still remember fondly how she used to bring bubbles to the tub when I was bathing, just to make me happy. She leaves behind two daughters and a husband, not to mention the grandkids.

I lost Zulma Cordero, a person who at first glance would not seem to really carry that much meaning in my heart except for a single shred of a memory, the only one I still remember of her. I remember sitting with her, in front of a giant projector machine, which she used to amplify reading materials, since she was almost blind. I remember the letters were the size of my face. I carry the strong impression that she was one of the people who taught me how to read when I was a child, and that frozen image of her with her projector and me with the huge letters fills me with warmth and sadness whenever I bring it up in my mind. She leaves behind two brothers, and her parents. Her godchild, my brother, whom she cared little for, was the person who dragged her out of where she died, when the paramedics came. No godchild should have to carry her dead godmother, the same way no father should watch her daughter dead.

I lost my other, Chrisenid Hernandez, just a few months ago. My girlfriend of almost-but-not-quite six years, she took all meaning in my life with her. But I don't blame her. I treated her unfairly and emotionally abusively, from my jealousy at the beginning to my random escapades with friends at the end. I wish the best for her, and that she may find someone that truly loves and cherishes her. Funny that, once when we were starting, she asked me for a star. And, as usual, I figure out how to give it to her only too late for it to be of any use. She leaves behind dreams of a home and children, cats and dogs, a loving family.

Finally, I lost myself, today. I lost my dreams and hopes, my desires and fantasies. I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing left in this old shell of a life that remains, and decided to give up everything and start again. Will probably leave for the Air Force or some similar program, something that hopefully takes me far away, not to come back. Too many painful memories in this island.

To all who read this, value what you have. Cherish every second, every kiss, every caress, every smile. You never know when you might lose it, or which will be the last one.