Tuesday, November 25, 2008

This blog...

I'm sitting here, at work. Bored. Sick. I had forgotten this space, hadn't been here in ages... Dunno, maybe i should start talking to myself in public again...

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Anger at my "father'...

I don't remember how it starts... I just remember how it ends...

I yelled at him in anger "It's not like you really cared about me. All you care about is the fact that you lost one of your little slaves..." I can't finish the sentence because of his constant yelling. I can't hear what he says: it doesn't penetrate the red haze I see in all things. i just keep saying what I feel. "I mean, it's not even like you're my father... I had more fun with my girlfriend's father in Father's Day than I had with you in all of the past 3 years combined! You're not my father. Any male of any species can grab a female and fuck her..."

This time I can't finish my sentence because of his fist forcefully removing 2 of my teeth. I feel the smack of my head against the wall, since his punch was strong enough to send me all the way to the back wall. I land in the floor in a heap. The darkness threatens to claim me, but I barely hold on to my mind. I can still hear background noise, distant as it is... People yelling, some of them family members... Can't really tell them apart.

With what strength I have remaining I climb up the stairs to my room, on my hands and legs. They don't follow. Of course they wouldn't, they don't care. I reach my room and get a wooden sword, a bokken, that I had for how nice it looked. I never thought I'd hit someone with it. As I exit my room, walking back to the hallway, I can hear him coming up the stairs. I recognize his footsteps because it's the same fear mechanic he's used since I was a little kid. But this time it strengthens me.

I lift myself up to my full height, using the sword as support. And as he crests the stairs and turns his head towards me, I stop him from saying anything. I see 3 loose teeth, and he falls back, on top of other people, all of them landing in a heap at the bottom. I quickly go past them, wanting to go up to the roof. Some of them are moving, trying to get out from under dad, but I don't stop to check who makes it.

I reach the roof, and can just think of wanting to get out of that house, of that place where i've had so much abuse. So, in a moment of insanity, i guess, or maybe absolute clarity, i think only of escape. I run away from the door and jump, head first. 3 stories down, to my escape.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Saturday, July 12, 2008

My Complete Personal Profile

The idea of togetherness, love, warmth, tenderness and mutual understanding fascinates you but you seem to be embarrassed by the thought of allowing this to appear openly. It would appear that you employ a cautious exploratory tactic in the pursuit of this objective, making sure that you are neither irrevocably committed nor found out.

Enough is enough. Nothing seems to be working out as you would like it to and it has got to the stage where you feel as if you can't be bothered anymore. The way you feel is that it would be great if you could be cut off from everything and take it easy - be it only for a short time.

You know what you want and you are very dogmatic and demanding - especially in your emotional demands. You have specific ideas and beliefs and if these beliefs are not realised you can become extremely frustrated. You may not be that perfect but you are looking for perfection with the perfect partner.

From every direction there appear to be unwarranted restrictions on your freedom of action and this is producing considerable stress. You're really looking for independence and freedom from any restriction and therefore avoiding any obligations or anything which might prove hampering. You are being subjected to considerable pressures and you would like nothing better than to escape from them but you tend to lack the necessary strength of purpose to succeed in this. Whichever way you turn you are being frustrated. You need to be free to do your 'thing' in your own way.

You are fed up with other people trying to influence you and you also feel that it is necessary to protect yourself from the threat that your independence and freedom may be restricted. You would just like to be left alone.

Monday, May 12, 2008


What am i thinking...


What the fuck is wrong with me?

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Monday, May 05, 2008

El Piyayo

¿Tu conoces al ”Piyayo”
un viejecillo renegro, reseco y chicuelo;
la mirada de gallo
y hocico de raposo
que pide limosna por "tangos"
y maldice cantando "fandangos"

¡A chufla lo toma la gente
y a mi me da pena
y me causa un respeto imponente!

Ata a su cuerpo una guitarra,
Que chilla como una corneja
Y zumba como una chicharra
Y tiene arrumacos de vieja
Yo le he visto cantando,
De rabia y de vino,
Con saltos felinos
Tocando a zarpazos,.
Los acordes de un viejo"tangazo"
Y, a sus contorsiones de ardilla,
Hace son con la sucia calderilla.

¡ a chufla lo toma la gente
y a mi me da pena
y me causa un respeto imponente!

Es su extraño arte
su cepo y su cruz,
su vida y su luz,
su tabaco y su aguardientillo...
y su pan y el de sus nietecillos:
"churumbeles" con greñas de alambre
y panzas de sapos.
Que aullan de hambre
Tiritando bajo los harapos;
Sin madre que lave su roña;
Sin padre que "afane"
Porque pena una muerte en santoña;
Sin mas sombra que la del abuelo...
¡poca sombra, porque es tan chicuelo;
en el altozano
tiene un cuchitril
¡a las vigas alcanza la mano;
y por lumbre y por luz, un candil.
Vacia sus alforjas
Que son sus bolsillos,
Bostezando los siete chiquillos,
Se agrupan riendo.
Y entre carantoñas les va repartiendo
Pan y pescao frito,
Con la parsimonia de un antiguo rito:
¡pan de flor de harina!
Mascarlo despasio.
Mejo pan no se come en palasio.
Y este pescaito, ¡no es na?
¡sacao uno a uno del fondo del má!
¡gloria pura él!
Las espinas se comen tamié,
Que to es alimento...

¡no llores, Manuela!
Tu no pués, porque no tiés muelas.
¡es tan chiquitita
mi niña bonita!..
así, despasito.
Muy remascaito,
Migaja a migaja, que dure,
Le van dando fin
A los cinco reales que costo el festín.
Luego entre guiñapos durmiendo,
Por matar el frío, muy apiñaditos.
La Virgen María contempla al “Piyayo”
Y hay un Angel rubio que besa la frente
De cada gitano chiquito.

¡A chufla lo toma la gente!...
¡y a mi me da pena
y me causa un respeto imponente!


Sunday, May 04, 2008

Japanese Prank...

Sunday, April 27, 2008

My island

These are the corners in my little island, few as they are in today's concrete world, that make me smile, and be happy to be alive. Alive to see such places, the beauty and bounty of mother nature.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

I Miss You...

I miss you. I walk outside and it starts to rain again. And just when i feel worst, i'm reminded by nature of the best things in life. Reminded of you. Pink in the cheeks as i say how much i love you. Green in your mind as you come up with twisted things in there. Red as the intense love we feel for each other. Blue as the soothing sensation we feel when we're together. Yellow as the jealousy that i feel sometimes, for i can't think of not being with you. A deep rich purple, analogous to the depth of our peace and happiness when together. And orange, as the burning passion that drives us to a future, together. I love you, and i hope that you can see just how much...

Monday, April 14, 2008

Testing posting from an email message fr

Testing posting from an email message from my cellphone...


Heya guys. I haven't posted here in ages. And it's because sincerely, I have no time to do so.

I'm gonna try, though.

Hopefully, After work, or from my cellphone at work, I can sit down and leave a status update here, as well as something i'm writing... Maybe it'll be good, I hope...