Sunday, August 10, 2008

Anger at my "father'...

I don't remember how it starts... I just remember how it ends...

I yelled at him in anger "It's not like you really cared about me. All you care about is the fact that you lost one of your little slaves..." I can't finish the sentence because of his constant yelling. I can't hear what he says: it doesn't penetrate the red haze I see in all things. i just keep saying what I feel. "I mean, it's not even like you're my father... I had more fun with my girlfriend's father in Father's Day than I had with you in all of the past 3 years combined! You're not my father. Any male of any species can grab a female and fuck her..."

This time I can't finish my sentence because of his fist forcefully removing 2 of my teeth. I feel the smack of my head against the wall, since his punch was strong enough to send me all the way to the back wall. I land in the floor in a heap. The darkness threatens to claim me, but I barely hold on to my mind. I can still hear background noise, distant as it is... People yelling, some of them family members... Can't really tell them apart.

With what strength I have remaining I climb up the stairs to my room, on my hands and legs. They don't follow. Of course they wouldn't, they don't care. I reach my room and get a wooden sword, a bokken, that I had for how nice it looked. I never thought I'd hit someone with it. As I exit my room, walking back to the hallway, I can hear him coming up the stairs. I recognize his footsteps because it's the same fear mechanic he's used since I was a little kid. But this time it strengthens me.

I lift myself up to my full height, using the sword as support. And as he crests the stairs and turns his head towards me, I stop him from saying anything. I see 3 loose teeth, and he falls back, on top of other people, all of them landing in a heap at the bottom. I quickly go past them, wanting to go up to the roof. Some of them are moving, trying to get out from under dad, but I don't stop to check who makes it.

I reach the roof, and can just think of wanting to get out of that house, of that place where i've had so much abuse. So, in a moment of insanity, i guess, or maybe absolute clarity, i think only of escape. I run away from the door and jump, head first. 3 stories down, to my escape.