Tom's Hardware Guide PCs & HowTo: The $500 Gaming Machine - The Budget Gaming PC Challenge
Interesting little guide...
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Thursday, October 27, 2005
By the way, people, I just noticed that when posting from Word, I get to pick a font and all! So try to get the font called “Tall Paul”. That’s the font I’m gonnna post future writings in, to make a distinction between regular posting and writings.
If this post renders differently from past posts, but the same font as the previous musings, then you got the font; check Word, it’ll say too. ^_^
Scribbled Here by Ashtear at 23:34
I was testing out a font I found on Word and I started writing at random... I'll just copy/paste it here, and let you reach your own conclusions...
As our world, our lives, turn to dust, no one will remember us, for we are the forgotten children of the sun, moon, and our great Earth Mother. Without her, we are nothing, yet we dare insult her and slowly stab her to death.
Scribbled Here by Ashtear at 20:19
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Heya guys. 'sup?
Oh well, guess the room is empty again. Well, in any case, I'm starting a new series, "The Truth about Dreams". I commented to a few people about it already, so I'm starting off. I set the 2 pieces I've written on it on their separate subsection on the Writings section, on the sidebar.
Let's see where that goes....
Scribbled Here by Ashtear at 22:34
I wake to face yet another day. I remember back when everything was colorful, showing all the possibilities that the world provided me. Slowly, everything has slowly lost it's color. My room struggles to keep the shades I've given it through my activities, but the weight of reality is pushing it all away.
I even remember once when I was swallowed by the drab banality that now surrounds me. I couldn't even get to writing. I would just live my life day by day, just going through the motions. I knew everything so well that I could even do it in my sleep. Which is pretty much what I was doing, sleeping while awake.
A recent dream freed me from the grayness, made color flush back into me. I can still remember her kiss, the warmth of her lips... But just a dream. I still thank her profusely, that princess from another world, for returning color to my senses.
At least, I think she was a princess. I barely remember the dream. But it was so vivid it released me from the mundane and showed me something magical, if only for a fleeting instant. It's intensity so strong it's effects on me still linger.
If only I could go to her again. To see her once more, to feel her soft skin and eyes of starlight, robes of moonlight, showing everything that could be in abscence of the weight of the world.
I walk on the sidewalk, which I share with other people, yet, the contrast is staggering. Everything around me, in different shades of gray. I can even see the color being drawn from me, the world trying to reclaim it's true form. But all it does is suffocate me of the last precious shreds of fantasy I still hold to me, given to me by her.
If only I could thank her...
Scribbled Here by Ashtear at 22:18
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Agnosticism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I think I found my religion.
" I neither affirm nor deny the immortality of man. I see no reason for believing it, but, on the other hand, I have no means of disproving it. I have no a priori objections to the doctrine. No man who has to deal daily and hourly with nature can trouble himself about a priori difficulties. Give me such evidence as would justify me in believing in anything else, and I will believe that. Why should I not? It is not half so wonderful as the conservation of force or the indestructibility of matter. . . .
It is no use to talk to me of analogies and probabilities. I know what I mean when I say I believe in the law of the inverse squares, and I will not rest my life and my hopes upon weaker convictions. . . .
That my personality is the surest thing I know may be true. But the attempt to conceive what it is leads me into mere verbal subtleties. I have champed up all that chaff about the ego and the non-ego, noumena and phenomena, and all the rest of it, too often not to know that in attempting even to think of these questions, the human intellect flounders at once out of its depth. "
--- Thomas Henry Huxley
Scribbled Here by Ashtear at 22:16
*sigh* Ok, let's start from the beginning.
First of all, I'm called on thursday, that I got a job. They want me to pass over on friday to fill in the documents and start training. I finally get a job since my contract expired on my old one back in June. I'm happy, everythig's cool with the world, nothing can touch me.
Oh, how wrong I was.
Saturday, I go to my new workplace (YAY!) and fill out the documents with 9 others they picked. They picked a lot of people for the christmas season, so it'll be cutthroat even among the employees, since those who fare better will get to stay after the christmas season.
Interesting, I've been looking for something to spice things up a bit.
Sunday, the day starts. My good friend Makbro wakes me up, so that we can start playing Exalted early. I get off bed, take a bath, and get dressed.
Then I sleep another hour.
That's ok, that always happens. I finish picking up, get in the car, and go pick up my gf, and we decide to pick up Makbro too, and we can all go eat together.
On the way to Plaza Escorial, where we're gonna go eat, the road is wet, I skid and crash another car from behind. No biggie on him, as usual, but my car front is even more screwed now. To top it, my girlfriend's fingers got pinched by my laptop computer, which she was holding in her hands at the time, and the dashboard. No biggie in the grand scheme of things, but it still hurts me.
We eat, then leave for Makbro's place to play. We get there, and just when we park, it starts to rain. A lot. We decide not to get out of the car, and go to a store and get some d10 dice, which we've been meaning to get for a while now so we don't have to use our Java-coded dice.
The car won't turn on.
Seems the crash busted up some wires, and shorted the car battery. The car won't turn on. We decide to leave it as is, and when it stops raining, we'll come back and take a better look at it. So we get out the car, and get drenchecd on the way to Henry's car, since we had to park pretty far aways.
We get there, play for a bit, and it stops raining, so we come back down, tools in hand, to take a look at the car. I can't find anything to do, but Makbro suggests getting some Sprite to drench on the battery poles to clean them, and whacking them with a hammer, see if that fixes it.
I stare at him quizzically, thinking if I should take my swords from the car and defend myself.
He swears by his Sprite and hammer, and I disbelief him. We go get it anyways, see what happens. Worst that could happen is... well, with the ways things were going now, things couldn't get much worse.
On the way up, I go inside his house, and in a display of skill that would leave many 3-year olds dumbfounded, I topple over a ceramic vase from a table with the umbrella.
Yep, those 3-year olds would be ashamed of me.
I keep sinking myself deeper in despair, thinking that I should just stay put and wait for the day to end. But after picking up the shards and swearing to atone for today's events by reassembling it with Krazy Glue, Makbro gets the Sprite and hammer, and, well, we get to it.
It works. The car starts.
Whohoo!!!! We decide to go pick up our things, so I can leave, since I don't trust Makbro's magical effect much. My girlfriend gets my stuff, and we leave. I drop her at her house, and drive to mine.
Now, I'm here, at home. And I will stay here until either the sun comes up again, or something extremely good happens to balance my karma.
Scribbled Here by Ashtear at 18:26
Worth1000.com | Photoshop Contests | Are you Worthy™ | contest
Now these are freaky pokemon!!!
Scribbled Here by Ashtear at 02:18
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
I'm pretty sure this is what is wrong with me. Sometimes, I've found myself wishing for a car accident or something, just to shake the boredom away. Other times I look at the phone expectantly, awaiting a call from some far-off friend or some missed call even, just to strike up a conversation and have things change...
But they don't. It's the same routine every single day. And when I thought something interesting was coming up, the Powers that Be(tm) take that from me as well.
Guess it's just me and my stories...
Scribbled Here by Ashtear at 00:14
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Monday, October 17, 2005
It took a lot of willpower to do this, but it has brought me to where I wanted to be. The feel of soft skin is divine, and the touch of cold metal keeps me in the here and now, absorbing every stimulus produced by the owner of the lips I thus kiss.
It is awkward at first, like learning to ride a bike, getting the hang of gravity and so forth, but after a few tries, I decide I don't want to get the hang of it. Every single try is a new experience, a new memory to be cherished. All errors do is bring a laugh, then a smile, and then a new try. So everything is perfect. All my worrying about denial was for naught.
Maybe she's right. Maybe I should be more sure of myself. But even then, it will never bring what I long for now. The fact that I have attained this will have to suffice, although I hope it will never end. Even at the end, when we both know our time is up, and that we have to leave, we still refuse without a word. At least I know I don't want to leave, but my insecurity still makes me doubt her reasons.
What does she get from this? She has a life that seems to be going in the right direction, why would she do this? What does she get from this that she can't get otherwise? Why me?
Alas, it ends, like I knew it would. It will probably never repeat itself, just like those beautiful astrological designs the court mage speaks happen only once every ten lifetimes, or the wonderful workings of magic only age-old mages of unspeakable power can produce. So thus, I weep inside my shell, with a facade of happiness covering me.
Not truly a facade. I am happy. I'm happy this happened. I'm happy that there is a slight chance it might happen again. So that happiness fuels my mask, to further hide my true sadness. Sadness born from the inner demons that taunt me and mock me in the darkness born of the shadows in my room.
The night is over, our respective kings will get suspicious if we drag this any more, so we part ways. She returns to her chariot, her servants taking her back to wherever it is dreams live. I walk to my bed, to sleep, and dream of the nightmares that only the real world can so vividly produce.
Scribbled Here by Ashtear at 00:49
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Eye On MOGS: Welcome (Virtual Items/Currency Comparison)
Whoa... a price checker for MMORPGs...
Scribbled Here by Ashtear at 13:08
Saturday, October 15, 2005
This is unbelievable, but totally hilarious, so I have got to share it.
I'm sitting in my car, with my girlfriend besides me (this is a very important point. It's not just anyone beside me, it's my girlfriend of 4 years), and I'm going to the local gas station. Now, since gas prices here in Puerto Rico are going up fast, there's a lot of people crowding stations where gas is cheap, and this one isn't any different. There's a line to get on it, and 2 people stopping cars and checking if there are free pumps, so people can go.
Now one of the 2 people was a funny old man. No biggie there. But the other is this pretty young girl, short hair, brunette, with a very nice body, wearing a short shirt, leaving her very well-sculpted body showing in the best places, and tight short jeans. She's nice-looking, so as any man, I stare.
My girlfriend comments about the line taking a long time, and i think to myself, "With her administering the line, I can stay here all day if she wants". Obviously I don't vocalize this thought. My eyes are transfixed by the sway of her hips as she walks to check if there's a free pump for me.
In the process, it seems (I'm too busy staring at her hips to notice) that she removes the hairband from her hair, and starts exagerating the sway of her hips a bit.
My girlfriend comments something to the effect of "What's up with her, is she showing off for you or something?" to which I reply, blurting it out without any remorse "I don't know really, but damn, she's HOT!".
Now, all guys obviously know this is a no-no.
It takes a full 2 seconds for me to realize what I did, and by the time I do, it's too late to dodge my girlfriend's incoming right-hook.
Now, 1 hour later, it still hurts.
Scribbled Here by Ashtear at 23:16
Hmm, seems like I wrote something after all this time...
ANyways, the Preparation story isn't really finished, but I was so happy I had written something that I posted it as it stands. I'll finish it later, and put up the rest as a separate post... I think Preparation stands on it's own, sorta... ^_^
Scribbled Here by Ashtear at 08:52
Friday, October 14, 2005
Coming from under a bunch of maids, still checking and measuring her dress, but giving her a bit of room, Arilith comes out with a sigh. She knows that to fight them is useless, that under the command of her mother, they will finish her dress even if Anathema come knocking on the door.
On cue someone opens the door, but instead of seeing a Forsaken or some such thing, she sees something worse: her mother. She can feel the close scrutiny of her mother's penetrating gaze on every inch of her dress, checking hem, waist, and every other segment of the dress for a perfect fit.
Not like the dress didn't look like it was made for her, because it was. Light blue shifting into white the lower it goes, with blue hearthstone armbands with matching hearthstones on the arms, saphire earrings and the most beautiful blue eyes you could ever have seen. The ensemble was perfect.
"Hurry up, Ari, the guests have already begun to arrive." And everyone knew her voice was law, so all the maids just finished their touches on Arilith's dress and let her pass.
Walking down the hallway, they seemed identical. Proper behaviour in every step. But where you could see the breeding in her mother, Arilith seemed rebellious against it. And not conciously, even. She had trouble walking in such a way, the high heels gave her trouble, and she hated the long part of the skirt dragging behind her, even though it was enchanted not to snag or to even touch the floor.
It wasn't even the clothes, she thought. It was everything they represented, and everything they brought with them. It brought people's attention. People's stares and admiration. But it was all unearned. It was all because it was House Leedal. Nothing else. While she wore that dress, she was Ledaal's newest heir, nothing more. She felt like she stopped being an individual, and she hated that.
Scribbled Here by Ashtear at 18:17
I close my eyes, and all I see is the red of the blood in my eyelids. I see all red, like the life that flows through me and throughout my body, allowing me to experience everything else. Attuning to this life I can even feel my heartbeat, pumping in a rythmic reminder that I am alive, and, even deeper, that I am. But this is not what I'm here for now.
I cancel out that sense, and I listen to my music, the only constant in my life. Some people have even gone as far as saying that the headphones are grafted to my neck, so they're either always in my ears or dangling from my neck when in class. But this isn't what I'm here for.
I cancel out my ears, and, just floating there, I feel the rope grid of the hammock sustaining my weight, of my laptop on my lap, and the wind on my face. The wind. I block out the laptop and the hammock, and I keep what I wanted.
It's easy to personify it, carresing my face and arms the way it does. I feel it's chilly touch brush my hair, cool down my body to very comfortable temperatures, and pass by my lips, kissing me goodbye. Makes me wonder if I need anything else.
It also helps me concentrate on my current affairs. Things have been hectic and emotionally charged lately, seemingly assaulting from all sides. Hell, the emotional struggle was so huge my wooden bracelet snapped on it's own. Even those I thought were with me seem to have forgotten me. And it is very similar to how I feel now. Floating in nothingness.
But then the wind caresses my lips again.
Makes one wonder just how alone someone truly is. Maybe you just don't know where to look. Maybe your emotions blind you. I know a lot of people with that problem. But at least right now, I'm at peace.
I lift my hands and caress the wind back.
P.S.: My thanks to Eldrin for his wonderful balcony and hammock, the inspiration for this post.
Scribbled Here by Ashtear at 18:14