Sunday, April 19, 2009

I will always love you...

You know, it's strange... i just arrived at my house, after not seeing or hearing anything from her in the past 2 days, and I don't know what to do. i know people have told me I need to move on, but if the heart's meant to have an on/off switch, I fail to find it.

I sit in my room, in my chair, and even in this lonely room she surrounds me. My bookshelf, which she organized, reminds me how much she loved me; enough to fix all that while I looked and did barely anything. I look at my bed, and all the time we shared in it, both excited and restful. I look at my desk, and I can see her silhouette, playing World of Warcraft on her laptop with me, asking me what instance we're gonna run next...

The truth is, she left. I was trying my best to fix everything, but apparently someone else gave her what I couldn't, and she left for greener pastures, as they say. Now these have started to rot, to wither and die, without her light.

I wish for many things... But foremost among them is that someday, she'll know how much i love her. Because I still do. Like a song says:

But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away
Make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have
Gone through
And mama I've been cryin'
Cause things ain't how they used to be

And I wish things would go back the way I used to be... I've always believed that I don't regret anything I've ever done, because all my actions have made me who i am, and I don't think I'm so bad. Now I'm not so sure. A friend of mine says that I shouldn't regret anything that made me smile, but what if I also hurt someone else? I've never regret something in my whole life more than losing Gynoshka Babilonia Febre...

And if you ever read this, love, I don't think I have to say how sorry I am; I think I was clear on that even before this last bit. I just hope everything works out wonderfully for you. You always deserved better than me. But I was selfish enough to hope you'd stay anyways.

I will always love you...

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