Must learn...

… patience. I have to learn to relax, and let things come to pass. But I'm a control freak; I don't like things that behave unexpectedly. That's why I put so much effort in understanding people, so they don't surprise me.

I think, in a weird way, this stems from my fear of death. I hate the idea that I can't control my own destiny. I hate feeling helpless...

And right now that is what I am. I submit to her, and must accept whatever fate decrees. It puts the fear in me like nothing else. But I will persevere, for my love for her.

Similarly, I need to let things be. Not try to change them, influence them. Let what may come, come. But what if what comes is my own demise?